Party "Joke of the Day" Thread

[Head Roller]

I thought it might be fun to have a joke thread for everyone to enjoy today.

Post your favorite joke, quip, story or comic here!
There is BOUND to be plenty of good political satire out there!! hahahha...

[Head Roller]

Ok.. I will start:

http://www.learnairbrush.com/images/UPDATES/oct_08/bailout.jpg

[underpressurecustoms]

Near Fredericksburg , Texas (up the road 22 miles from Kerrville ) where there is a large German-speaking population:A farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand. The farmer shouted: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.') The man shouted back: 'I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama, I can't understand you. Please speak in English.'
The farmer replied: 'Use two hands, you'll get more.'

[egneg]

I found this pretty funny

[bleeds]

He He He :em4000:

[crank]

While walking down the street one day a senator is tragically hit by a truck
and dies.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

Welcome to Heaven, says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we're not sure
what to do with you.

'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.

Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you
spend one day in hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity.

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

I'm sorry, but we have our rules.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green
golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are
all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his
hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy and who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that
before he realizes it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him.

Now it's time to visit heaven.

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving
from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and,
before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your
eternity.

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: Well, I would never have said
it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better
off in hell.

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it
in black bags as more trash falls from above...

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. I don't
understand, stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and
my friends look miserable. What happened?

The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......

Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.

[auz10]

LOL

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y215/angelmahal/etc/pumpkin-butt-Halloween-joke-cartoon.jpg

[Iamedogg]

WAIT WAIT, it is Halloween? I thought it was Easter being that I woke up with a resurrection....


Happy Halloween

[EyE_WaTTa]

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress halloween party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had the time of his life."

[Head Roller]

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, if Mr. Obama is officially elected into
office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping
with his new inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales bonuses into a common
pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve
to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."

2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including
overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves.
This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards
from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We
will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law
doesn't apply to us.

4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every
week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of
all."

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's
"good to spread the wealth around." Those of you who have underachieved will
finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had
success will feel more "patriotic."

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks.
Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free
healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food
stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even
if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our
democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a
coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice
looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may
want to rethink your vote on November 4th.*